DOOMSDAY PREPPERS...

I know that it's really just a reality show, but couldn't the producers of DOOMSDAY PREPPERS have found more folks who weren't completely off their frakking rockers to profile?

Abandon All Hope..

After the class has finished reading THE RED BADGE OF COURAGE...

MALE STUDENT: Mr. Polecat, you just need to find us a more interesting book to read next time.

POLECAT: What could be more interesting than a book that talks about faces and arms and legs getting blown off and is full of dead bodies?

MALE STUDENT: I guess I am just not that into books.

The End is Nigh...

All the second and third graders at a dance in The Backwoods of the World know every damn word to I'M SEXY AND I KNOW IT.

How long until December 21?

Busted...

Nothing says "White Trash Drug Bust" like the supplies all being carried in Wal-Mart bags.

Contraceptive Options...

Maybe the contraceptive option that Obama and the League of Roman Pederasts could agree on would be to issue "Property of Jesus" panties and boxers.

What could kill the mood faster than that?

Valentine's Day, Part One

Valentine's Day at a high school. Gods help us as every schoolboy crush finds potency and the guts to profess undying affection to unworthy little girls. Even the social outcast that a teacher discovered masturbating in the boys' restroom is feeling Cupid's call.

Cafeteria Observations...

Fellow Teacher (observing that a pair of hygiene-impaired students have been sitting together in the lunchroom):
They have been sitting together every morning.

Me:
Can you imagine what the bedroom of their trailer is going to smell like?

Sex Changes...

When a man has a sex change operation, can he custom order the size of his new vagina?

Can he request to have his clitoral hood look like a little snout? Can he ask for a little extra roast beef?